Torn Between
by Michelle Drake
Summary: Logan finds Max in his apartment after killing Ben in “Pollo Loco”. After learning the truth he is torn about how to feel about her. M/L angst and romance.


Author: Michelle D.R.A.K.E gypsychic04@c4.com  
  
Author's Note: After watching Pollo Loco I was kind of wondering if Logan knew that she had killed Ben or not. She thanks him for not asking a lot of questions, but she must have said something to him when she ended up at his apartment that night, so here's my version of how it happened . . . Also, I am tying to make Logan somewhat torn between what he should think about Max after learning what she did, but I am afraid that it has just turned out confusing, so please review and tell me if you think there is another way to make it more effective. Thanks so much for taking the time to read! :) I greatly appreciate it!   


  
Spoilers: Pollo Loco  
  
Summary: Logan finds Max in his apartment after killing Ben in Pollo Loco. After learning the truth he is torn about how to feel about her. M/L angst and romance.  
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Feedback: PLEASE, Please, please review! Remember, flames are always good, and honest is always a major plus! This is one of those stories that has been revised to death, and has evolved from trash to whatever you'd like to call this at the moment, so please tell me if there is anything else that needs fixing!!!! I *LIVE* off of feedback . . . so please take the two seconds it takes to review! E-mail me at gypsychic04@c4.com if you have any questions or comments or if you need a beta reader! I'm always happy to help! :) Luv y'all!  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were- but they're not. Writing fanfics is the closes I will ever get to owning them . . . they belong to boat boy and what's his name Eglee . . . and the apes. How can the apes own this show and I not? HOW?  
  


. . .  


  


. . .T o r n B e t w e e n. . .  
by Michelle Drake  
  
. . .  
  


_ "Tell me about the good place," Max said cradling Ben in her arms sadly. She knew what she'd have to do so that Lydecker and his men wouldn't get him, and it tore away at her on the inside. But she couldn't live knowing that he would be locked away forever. She couldn't let him become a nomaly. She just couldn't . . . couldn't let so many things happen . . . He didn't want to live like that; she didn't want him to live like that. She wished there were some other way . . . but there wasn't. Now she had to find the strength to do the one thing she wouldn't ever be able to forgive herself for. Ever.  
  
Where no one ever gets punished," he said smiling up at her, prompting her to go through with it.  
  
"And no one gets yelled at," she added sadly, knowing what she had to do.  
  
""And nobody disappears. And when you wake up in the morning you can stay in bed as long as-" Max grabbed his neck and snapped it quickly, effortlessly and painlessly, letting his head fall softly to the ground, the hardest thing she ever had to do.  
  
She began to sob over his body. She had just single handedly killed her own brother, the little that was left of her family. She couldn't help like feeling like a murderer. She continued to weep over his body until she heard Lydecker's men and the helicopters approaching. As much as she hated to, she had to leave him. Staying would've been the right thing to do. She felt like she deserved to be caught and punished after what she did, but she ran. The one thing she could always count on in her life- always running from something . . ._  
  


. . .  


  
The next thing she knew she was racing towards Foggle Towers on her motorcycle. She parked her bike and made her way into the lobby and into the elevator, pushing the button to the penthouse not even thinking about where she was going. Once the elevator was at the top she quietly picked the lock to Logan's apartment and quietly made her way in.  
  
She didn't even know why she was there. Max didn't really want to talk to him. Talking to him would mean having to explain everything, and she didn't feel like having to explain everything; to have to justify what she did- she couldn't justify it. Even worse she didn't want him to know the horrible thing that she had just done. It was her fault; if she hadn't broken his leg, they would have made it out. Maybe she could have saved him, maybe they could have found a way to escape, maybe . . . All she new for certain was that it was all her fault.  
  
Max sat on Logan's couch peering out the window, taking comfort in the familiar setting, drowning in her thoughts as she peered out into the pouring rain. She didn't even bother to wipe the tears that had run down her face as she recalled the nights events.  
  
Hearing the small noise that Max made picking his lock, Logan had awaken. He cautiously moved into his wheelchair, and made his way into the living room.  
  
"Max?" he questioned, switching on the lights and putting on his glasses. She spun around surprised, revealing her tear stained face. "What's the matter? Did something happen?" he asked as he wheeled closer, seeing the raw pain written all over her face. He had never seen her cry before. He knew that something had to be terribly wrong. He couldn't help worrying about her. Maybe it was because he had feelings for her that he couldn't even admit.  
  
Max didn't say anything, she just kneeled down and buried her face into his chest, letting out all her tears, and emotions that were tearing at her heart. Now Logan was even more worried. All he could do was hold her close trying to comfort her, hoping she was alright, and wishing that he could do something to make her feel better. He hated seeing her like this, not knowing how to make her pain go away.  
  
"Are you okay? What happened?" He asked again. He hugged her tightly, and gently smoothed her hair, attempting to comfort her, as her sobs soon subsided. If he hadn't bee so worried about her he would have enjoyed being so close to her.  
  
Max continued to stay in his embrace a while longer, until finally deciding to tell Logan what had happened. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide it from him, no matter how hard she tried. She didn't want Logan of all people to look at her like she was a monster. He was one of the only people who she could count on to always treat her like she was normal.  
  
"Ben's dead," she said heart brokenly, hoping that she might be able to possibly just leave it like that. She knew that it wouldn't be that easy.  
  
"What happened?" Logan questioned alarmed that Max might be in some sort of danger. He couldn't stand the thought of possibly losing her.  
  
Max paused a moment, not wanting to go on any further. She thought of potentially making up a lie, but she knew that she had to tell him the truth. "I- I killed him," she managed to say, feeling like she was going to break down again. She looked up at Logan with a heart wrenching look in her eyes that tore at his soul.  
  
"You killed him?" he asked confused and surprised, knowing that it had come out more insensitively than he had intended. He didn't know what to make of what she had just said.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it-" she pleaded, being able to read his reaction perfectly. She knew that he was thinking that she was a murderer. She didn't blame him, especially when she felt the same way about herself.   
  
"It's okay," Logan said once he was able to recover from the news he had just heard. "I'll make you some tea," he offered, his thoughts racing as he tried to process everything that had just heard.   
  
The conversation he had with Lydecker replayed in his mind clearly. He quickly tried to brush it away, but his attempts were unsuccessful. As he made his way to the kitchen, Lydecker's words were still running through his mind. _These kids aren't like puppies you can bring home and housebreak. They were designed to kill. Coldly . . . efficiently . . . and happily. You think because she's so pretty that she isn't as dangerous? They're all killers._ He's wrong,' Logan thought to himself. 'Max didn't want to kill Ben. She couldn't have wanted to kill him, she wouldn't be so upset otherwise. She's not a killer . . . she's not . . . but she is. Ben was a killer, and now she is a killer . . .' His thoughts were torn between his love for her, and the truth. He brought Max her tea, not being able to quite look her in the eyes. _She's not the girl next door. You have no idea what she's capable of doing. _Logan hated to admit it, but Lydecker was right, he had no idea what she was capable . . . he never thought that she would be capable of killing a part of her family, but she just did.  
  
"Thanks," she said gratefully, looking out the window sadly. She could tell that Logan had so many questions about what she had did. She knew he was trying to cover up the confusion, and she hated it. Up until now she could just pretend that he always looked at her like a normal, regular person. She couldn't go on pretending anymore now that he knew the truth.  
  


. . .  


  
"Logan, can I talk to you?" Bling asked as he appeared in the living room.  
  
"Yeah," Logan answered moving into the hallway.  
  
"This came for you. It was left in the contact room," he said as he handed Logan an unaddressed manila envelope.  
  
"Thanks," Logan said opening it curiously.  
  
They were pictures of a eight or nine year old Max when at Manticore. As he filed through each of the pictures his stomach seemed to churn. There was picture after picture of Max and her brothers and sisters, all with long nightgowns, shaved heads- there faces and mouths lined with blood . . .  
  
As he paged through picture after picture Lydecker's words kept running through his mind. _"They were designed to kill. Coldly . . . efficiently . . . and happily. All they need is a trigger."_ As much as he hated it, she was a genetically engineered soldier; a killing machine. Not the genetically engineered angel he thought she was. She was designed to kill.   
  
He looked over at her, as she stared out the window sadly.  
  
She looked so sweet and innocent, but he couldn't help but think that maybe there was something horrible, and hideous hiding behind her mysterious beauty. She turned and looked at him, with a small, grateful smile, and walked over to Logan.  
  
He put the pictures back in the folder, as she approached. The last thing he wanted was Max seeing the pictures and knowing that she had talked to Lydecker, the man who was single handedly responsible for her dark past.   
  
He couldn't help but think that she was a heartless killing machine, but then seeing her saddened eyes, he brushed away all his bad thoughts about her. She wasn't a heartless killing machine, she was a caring, beautiful person. A caring a beautiful person that he happened to be completely in love with. Even though he kept telling himself that Lydecker was wrong about her, he couldn't help but wonder. It was apparent that she didn't want to kill Ben, otherwise she wouldn't have been so devastated.  
  
"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know I've been shutting you out lately, and . . . I appreciate you not hitting me with a whole bunch of questions. She was so glad that he hadn't questioned her any further. Especially when she didn't have any answers to her own questions.  
  
No problem, he answered, his mind still racing with thoughts that haunted him far into the night.   
  
He looked over at the couch a few hours later, noticing that Max had fallen asleep. He grabbed a blanket and gently placed it over her. He sat next to her, watching her sleep. She looked so sweet and innocent- so angelic. He still couldn't help but think about what was hiding under that beauty of hers. There was so much about her that was still a mystery to him. A mystery that part of him wanted to uncover, and that another part of him wanted to leave a mystery.  
  
He affectionately brushed a dark curl away from her sleeping face. Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled at him. All of Logan's horrible thoughts about Max seemed to disappear completely with that small smile. No matter what Lydecker or anyone else said, it all came down to one thing. She was his angel; his angel who he was in love with, and no matter what he couldn't continue looking at her like some evil abomination that had this dark being hiding laying behind her beauty. She had a conscience, and heart, a soul . . .  
  
You feeling a little better? he asked her.  
  
she said downwardly, then looking up at him. But thanks to you I think I will feel better soon enough.  
  
What did I do? he asked curiously.  
  
You were here for me. You didn't question or judge me, all you did was trust me. She smiled at him a little.  
  
Logan instantly felt guilty for thinking those horrible thoughts about her earlier in the night. He vowed that no matter what, he would never ever think things about her like that again. Logan returned her smile, telling her without words that no matter what she could always turn to him.  
  
It's really nice to know that I can turn to you as more than just a business partner, or a meal ticket-  
  
Or a just a friend, he interrupted her caught in the moment, brushing another dark curl from her face. Max to look at him almost startled; confused by what he might be saying.  
  
Logan saw how terrified she suddenly looked, and realized that he had just made a big mistake. He thought that it had been the right time, but he was wrong. He had just been caught up in the moment. I- I better get to bed, he lied, knowing that he had messed up.   
  
Max said, grabbing his hand realizing that Logan looked a little embarrassed and upset. Stay with me a little while longer. It was more of a command the a request. Logan looked into her eyes, being almost hypnotized by their gaze. He moved in slowly giving her the softest of kisses on her forehead, then moving to her lips for an even gentler kiss. He was afraid that it might be the wrong time again, so he backed away slightly, making sure that he hadn't done something that he was going to regret. He looked back into her deep chocolate eyes, expecting to see surprise and anger, but instead he was only greeted by love.   
  
Please stay, she asked again, grabbing his hand and staring up at him. Her eyes dancing with emotion.  
  
All right, he said with a smile. They sat together in the comforting silence of each others company and the sound of the rain splattering against the windows.  
  
  


. . .E N D. . .  
  


  
  
Author's Note: I got complete writers block at the end . . . so I hope that ending works! PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I am open to ANY comments and suggestions! Thanks for reading! Love you all! :)  
  
  
  
  
  
  


tears.and.tears.by.michelle.drake©  
gypsychic04@c4.com  


  
  
  



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